Maddie’s Story

Please click the link to read the first part of Maddie’s Story

My Life As Maddie

Walking into my room I don’t notice any of my surroundings, I head directly to my bathroom and turn the nobs to have a warm shower. I turn and walk over to the shelves to grab a towel. As the room starts to steam, I can feel the grime on my skin and the anger inside me built. My mom’s death will not be the thing that breaks me and sends me off the deep end. No, the end of her life will give me the strength and courage I need to move forward in my life and not wallow in the pain my heart has gone through in the past. I step into the shower and decide to forget everything but the thought of just making it through the day.

As I step out of the shower, the realization that I have five hours to kill hits me as I start to get dressed in a blue sundress with pink flower printed on it. Why is that a thing though? Why when a person is grieving a lost do they have to provide food and a place for people to talk about the dead. I feel that the individual who started this ritual must have been an attention whore. I mean seriously, I just want time for myself and now I have to deal with everyone saying “I’m sorry for your lost.” I just want to get this day over with as little crying as possible.

As I head downstairs, I decide to go into the kitchen that’s spotless besides the empty bowls from the cereal I’ve had over the last few days. I head to sink and begin to fill it with water to wash the dishes. I open the window above the sink to let in the fresh morning air of a new day that brings all the new possibilities inside and lets out the stale air full of my saddest.

Cleaning the dishes and putting them in the drying rack took ten minutes and I still need to waste time until 3 o’clock. Baking is the only thing that can kill the time I have left fast enough. I decide to go and find my phone that has been off since the news first broke and the calls started coming in. I find it on the coffee table in front the couch I lived on for the past three days and turn it on. As I turn it on the notifications immediately bombard my phone, and I ignore them all to set the alarm for 2 o’clock to notify me that it is time to get dressed for the service. With the alarm set, I lose myself in the task of baking.

My phone doesn’t ring during the first cake and pie I make but while mixing the second cake batter my phone rings. The ringtone catches my attention right away. Only three numbers have personalized ringtone; my mom, AD, and Kat. Kat ringtones blared from my phone, and for a second I believe I’m hallucinating, but as I walk to the counter where it sits, I see her set profile picture where she is flipping me off and answer the phone.

I bring the phone to my ear and speak to a background of music. “Hello.”

“Hooker, do you even know how many times I have called you over the past three days to only get forward to your voicemail. Not once did the fucker ring. Oh no, your bitch ass probably switched off your phone and left it sitting on your bedside table. Why the fuck did you not call me bitch? Explain yourself you little streetwalker.” I smile as she ranted about me not having my phone on for her to contact me.

“Actually, I have not been to my room in three days and my phones been off on the coffee table for your information pussy lover,” I say this smiling as I know the response that’s coming.

“You little twat. It was once in college for like 4 months. And the only reason you continually bring it up is because you’re mad that you never got me to ride your face when you had the chance.” Her same come back as always. “But seriously your mother dies, and I get nothing. No email, text, phone call, voicemail and not even a smoke message bitch. What. The. Fuck.?”

I can hear the anger and hurt in her voice as she speaks, and I know that me not trying to contact her was the wrong move on my part.

“I’m sorry I haven’t even moved off the couch since that day until today. Just couldn’t gather the energy do anything after I got everything finished making all the arrangements for her service. I literally made just made flyers and posted all the info on social media so I wouldn’t have to answer the same fucking questions again and again. I just needed the time for myself you know? I mean the first before I shut off my phone I had at least 25 unknown number calling me. This people I had never talked to before probably fucking asked around to find my number during the roughest time of my life so that they can say they did. I mean fuck that bullshit, who the fuck needs them right. If they can share my number with the whole community, then they can share the funeral service details. It absolutely fucked up that the only time people care about Maggie is when she moves back in with mother at 27 and when her mother dies. Those people can sit on a big fat…”

“Sweetie as adorable as it is to hear you call everyone an asshole I would much rather have this conversation in person, so why don’t you come on up the door.” As she speaks after cutting me off during my rant, I can only hear the words, but I cannot comprehend anything that just came from that sentence.

To Be Continued…


Maddie’s Story

My Life As Maddie

               Only time will tell what happens to me. I don’t want to spoil the story before I can tell you how I got there, but I should inform you that I have never been so depressed in my life as I am at this moment. Right now, I’m sitting in the living room on the couch of house that my mom left me when she died last week thinking that this is the only thing that is holding me to this world. However, before you think that I’m this suicidal bitch who just want attention with her goodbye note before she kills herself, let’s just say that I have been there, done that, learned that lesson and am not looking to relive that experience ever again.

               I am just a 27 year old woman going through a midlife crisis earlier in life than would be expected. I cannot seem to motivate myself into moving from this couch. There no one I can call to help me. My one friend in the whole world Katelynn is in a remote village in the Middle East working for Doctor Without Borders providing clinical care for the people of the region. She only calls every 2 weeks or so as a check-in. Kat just called me 6 days ago which was 2 days before my mom passed, so I won’t hear from her for another week at least.

               Today is the day of my mom’s funeral. Moreover, I have 6 hours to motivate myself into caring enough to attend the service. It not that I didn’t love my mom, she has been my rock ever since my dad left when I was 5 to start a new family a few towns over with his mistress who he got pregnant. My mom was the last bit of true family that I had, and she knew everything that I have been going through in the past ten months which have been the worst time of my life. Losing her was just the shit frosting top with cherry shaped shit and shit cream topping to the shit cake my life has been lately.

               I will go into more details about the events that have lead me to this point in time later because if I go into those right now, I will never get up from this couch anytime soon. I know my mom wouldn’t want me to hide in my hurt like I do whenever things get to be too much for me

               I focus on her hugs that came at the times when they were needed the most and the life she gave me with nothing from anyone else. She would provide for us, making sure that we had anything that we needed or wanted. My dad is a dirtbag who was no help in our lives after he left. My mom was the definition of independent, and if she could take care of me during all hurt and never let me see the pain she was in, I can at least make sure that she gets the goodbye she deserves

               I force myself to get up and make my way up the stairs that I haven’t been up since that day and look towards the right. As I glance at the door to her room which is slightly adjure from the day I found her dead in her bed from a stroke in her sleep. I look in the hall mirror in front of me and don’t recognize greasy hair dirty female I see in it. I got everything I need to do done in one day to set up for her funeral then I just fell apart. I haven’t answered the door I just left a box of the flyer with funeral details and posted the details on social media then sat on the couch for three days. Now its time to get back to the world. For stop a shower.


To Be Continued…




Oh Nero. Where for ought though Nero??

My Book Husband

                Everyone talks about their book boyfriends nowadays. However, everyone has that one that stands out on that mental list of his or her book boyfriends, and for me, I call him my book husband. Your book husband knows that you can be tempted by other book heroes, and sometimes even the protagonist, but at the end of the day your husband is whom you come back to. Yes ladies, you can read but don’t touch, leave them for the lady of the book.

                Now I have not always been a reader, I’m one of the late bloomers that started reading at a late age. In the last 5 years, I have probably read close to 600 books (not all I finished, some were truly terrible), and the one
man that stuck with me through the thick of it is Nero. If you haven’t read the self-titled book by Sarah Brianne, I have to say it is a must read.

                Nero was the first book in Sarah Brianne Made Man series, and in the book you get to see little from the perspectives of the main characters and the different situations that were going on during this time frame for the group. The main person in the book is Elle Buchanan, and her love interest is Nero Caruso, my book husband. Discloser I have read this book 3 times, and it is the only book I’ve read from the series, but I plan to read the rest once Amo’s book comes out.

                I honestly can’t put my finger on just one thing that draw me to Nero, but he is the type of guy I could see having a future with. Everyone always talks about having an alpha male, but I want a caring asshole. That’s the way I like describe Nero because even as I reread the book, I still felt drawn to him as a character.  His interest in Elle is not out of that love at first sight that most authors give their characters. Sure sometimes that happens in real life but sometimes people are just manipulated in a way that forces you to see them for who they really are, and you just fall in love with them despite it all.

                I know people well want to judge me based off the post but sue me I just don’t give a fuck. I like what I like and me likely Nero. Email me lets discuss the talk of Book husbands.

First Blog Post

Okay, so I’m totally excited for this experience to begin because I have so much in mind for this blog. If you didn’t read the about me section yet, I’m not going to post any of my actual posting of stories and reviews until March 1st, 2017. What I actually post about may change over time but again any comments, request, or recommendations you may have I want to hear about them.

I’m currently writing in hopes that I can be prepared to give you guys my best effort in order to provide you guys with my best work. I hope I can get into the swing of things fairly quickly, but I know there will be some growing pains before I get into the blogger state of mind. If you read the about me statement, then you are aware that I am a college student and that I am working around my class schedule to write this blog. If any of you student would know that March is midterms as well as spring break. I felt this will be the easiest time for me to start up the blog itself because how much I will be on my laptop.

My goal is to post around one to three blogs a week. I plan to notify people of my new posting through my social media platforms because I have designed the blog to send out a notification through all platforms. As I transition into writing this blog, I have to set time aside in the hope of being able to satisfy you, so I need you guys to be patient with me and all of this. The blog site will go through a lot of artistic changes as well as I develop to give you guys something pretty to look and show you guys my keep of style.